Johnny Oleksinski of The Post received the first genuine Eric Adams newsletter.

Mayor Adams announced this week that he will communicate directly with New Yorkers – and avoid the media – by releasing a new subscription-based newsletter. Johnny Oleksinski of The Post received his not-so-fake first issue:

This is Eric, your favorite mayor. Your commander in chief. Are you tired of the newspapers telling you it’s not true? Well, in my new newsletter, Nobody Puts Eric in a Box, I’ll tell you how it goes.

New York is back, baby!

Our numbers are up, our stats are up, and Midtown is full. . . people.

I know, I know, you say: “Eric! Shouldn’t you be leading New York instead of writing this weekly newsletter?! Eric hears you. And he answers you: It’s for my money. When I’m working off my dime, I can sit out my time and I don’t want to hear anyone whine. It is clear? Good. Let’s talk about problems.

I’m not going to rant and rave about violent crime in our city like the weaklings of the media do. Never. I won’t mention any of them, because if you can read this, you’re good!

Kichant and I are proud of the orange-jacketed turnstile guards we placed on the subway. Their Wordle strips are huge.

After hours, when the sun goes down and the DJ gets louder, I’ve talked to real New Yorkers – at Zero Bond, at Osteria La Baia, at the Met Gala – and you all tell me the same thing: the only thing that makes you feel unsafe, it’s meat.

Guys, you want to go vegan. No more drapes at Peter Loser, no more cow-killing at Keynes. Straighten your spine with spinach.

Eric has been eating kale and celery (and sometimes bigeye tuna) for seven years and it keeps him going all night long. My tab in Zero Bond is longer than 1 train. This is how I flow. So I know our kids don’t need charter schools to thrive – all they need is a Boca burger and Poland Springs. Screw the Academy called Success, give our children watercress!

And I promise to work with Governor Hochul as faithfully and closely as any Democrat in Albany does.

(But I will get her impeached before she takes my stove.)

Katy and Eric are now hard at work on solving the migrant crisis in the city. I call it my “Visit Syracuse” campaign. Canteen, nightlife, uh, uh, canteen. Do not nap. Cruise on the road.

And this is Bulletin #1. Turn on my viber and press subscribe.

And the next time you see a man pass out in a cart full of Big Mac wrappers and dirty flip-flops in front of your building and you get mad at Eric, remember my greatest accomplishment: not being Bill de Blasio.