Sex, drugs and farts: Here are the discarded Texas dressing tables of 2022

When we have conversations at cocktail parties that we think are smart, or post thoughts on social media that we think are insightful, most of us scoff at the mere mention of car license plates.

Toilet plates are failed jokes, desperate pleas for attention, or a combination of the two, as we like to say. If a sleek sports car has it, we love to lie to the driver through our internal monologue. What is his deal? What is he trying to prove?

But the dirty truth that few of us will ever dare to say out loud or hit the tweet button is that we really appreciate dressing tables. We like things that make us react. We love things that give us something to talk about. We enjoy a small amount of harmless judgments about others, if only a little.

But so many quirky license plates you can see on the road are just some of the license plate ideas submitted to the Texas Department of Motor Vehicles every year. And as a gift to all of us, perhaps as a way to repay us for the long wait we have to endure at our branches, DMV is releasing a list of personalized license plates that were rejected last year.

According to the DMV, there are many reasons why a proposed plate combination could be rejected. They range from boring (if one contradicts the current or proposed pattern shown on other license plates issued by the state) to scandalous (a combination that is considered indecent, vulgar, derogatory). References to race or ethnicity, whether pejorative or not, are prohibited, as are phrases referring to illegal drugs or illegal activities such as gang violence.

This list should be in the humor section of your local bookstore, bound in the finest Corinthian leather. The third entry, for screaming out loud, is BTCHN 66. Three spaces below that fucking entry? DS NACS. I mean, come on, your favorite comedian’s podcast doesn’t earn you that much gold the moment it launches, does it? The “deeznuts” joke series seems to be popular among vanity seekers, as DYZ*NUTZ also appears among the rejected ones.

Remember, someone actually took the time to apply for a personal license plate with these character combinations and was willing to give a credit card number for the privilege. If such fuss and selflessness is not to be admired, what are we even doing here?

In our opinion, ICE QWEN, NFAMOU5, and SINHOE have been unfairly denied the government-sanctioned recognition they are due of what we believe to be their true selves. In some cases, it’s easy to think that entries were submitted via myplates.com while intoxicated or on some sort of challenge (DICKHED, FUCKING, ASSEATR and CML*TOE, we’re definitely looking at you).

In our opinion, ICE QWEN, NFAMOU5 and SINHOE are being unfairly deprived of their government-sanctioned remuneration due to them.

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And the hits keep coming. The crude humor is on full display in the 66-page list, which details all 4,909 rejected plate applications between January and October 2022. Sorry UR GASSY, SNOTBOM, SHARTED and FARTER, you’ll have to find other ways to make friends laugh.

Of course, people with sex in their heads wanted it on their license plates in 2022, with BJ SCREW, GET NAKY, DGY*STYL and IM CUMIN. While the latter may just be a gourmet reference, we don’t know. The letter Z is also an important player when it comes to rejected combinations: NUTZZ, KLL-ZMBZ, U FATAZZ, and ZLUT represent some creative z-boost combinations.

Not all of the plates that the state has chosen to reject are of the unholy type. Some just wanted to pledge allegiance to their favorite musical hero like BADBUNY, SPICEGL and, we guess, The Weeknd fan, STARBOY. Marijuana has always been a hot topic in the Texas news, so it goes without saying that it is a popular topic among those who want to joke around with their license plates. Check out how BLAZE UP, STONED1 and STONERR make their way onto this list.

Some Texas vehicle owners seemed to want to identify themselves without obnoxious names or sarcastic jokes. After all, just telling your fellow drivers who you are is pretty much what a toilet sign is for.

We see you BLC QEEN, PO BOI, OLDMANS, SAD GIRL, DREAMR and TIREMAN. Your application in 2022 was rejected, but we applaud your rather helpful and vulnerable approach. You are the real heroes of personalized license plates. But be careful: we would probably still condemn you if your request was approved.

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texasstandard.news contributed to this report.

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