Off-Third: Anti-NYU line of merchandise now available in bookstore

Save the college pride show in your hometown. This is not welcome here.

Off-Third is a satirical column for WSN.

TTo prepare for the arrival of the new class in 2027, NYU is stepping up its game with a new line of streetwear that is revolutionizing college merchandise.. Instead of showing admiration for the university, the new line announced this week is clearly anti-university sentiment.

The NYU merchandise team works tirelessly with artists across Manhattan to capture authentic dismissive attitude is typical for New York. Some of the designs submitted include phrases such as “NYU students destroyed New York”, “I pay $80,000 to pretend to be a New Yorker”.and “Ruby Hall ruined my life.”

Other drawings depict various NYU symbols in a negative and sometimes violent light. A sweatshirt with a 8th St–NYU subway sign has a reference to the university scrawled viciously in red. Another shows the iconic NYU torch setting fire to the lynx mascot.

According to the head of merchandising, the department created a campaign to help NYU students feel more welcome in the city. A statement released alongside the merchandise giveaway said: “To be considered true New Yorkers, students must be willing to actively express their hatred of this school they attend.”

The brutal truth is that no matter how much attending NYU means to you, you will never get the full respect of the locals in NYU attire. Their disgust for the university transcends everything. After construction on the newly opened Paulson Center finally came to an end, one resident explained that the new crowds “completely disrupted the flow of traffic”.

One freshman recalled, “One day I walked into a subway car wearing an NYU sweatshirt and all the crowd waiting on the platform turned to me and basically told me they wanted me dead.” Another student explained, “I made the mistake of wearing an NYU shirt on my way to class and four people tried to rob me.” Even just wearing purple is reportedly enough to make you the next victim of stares, snide comments, and public humiliation.

The item is in line with NYU Welcome’s new initiative to teach students how to be more casual in New York City. Some of the recommended Welcome Seminars include “How Not to Act like an NYU Student While at NYU” and “How to Post NYC on the Internet Usually”. These courses, along with this new design, are designed to give students the tools they need to blend into the city properly.

Being a college student is hard, but constantly trying to prove that you’re not a college student on your campus and showing pride in your school is next to impossible. Although our campus is a city, the city is not only our campus. On the streets near Washington Square students seeking to mingle avoid wearing NYU merchandise. Luckily, students can seamlessly blend in with this new design, as well as their discreet purple straps and giant Fjällräven backpacks.

NYU’s commitment to adjusting its merchandise exemplifies the university’s commitment to making its students feel comfortable and better adjusted to life in the city. Once again, NYU takes the lead in highlighting important issues and then actually addressing them by taking action.

The WSN Opinion Section strives to post ideas worthy of discussion. The views expressed in the “Opinion” section are solely those of the author.

Contact Lily Ritterman-Peña at [email protected]