Don’t let scammers break the bank and your heart

SAN ANTONIO – Soul mate or scammer? It can be hard to tell the difference in a relationship that starts online. Lori Arnold of Texas shares her story for the first time so others won’t be broken or heartbroken.

Arnold was not looking for love, but just communication, so a friend convinced her to register on two dating sites.

“I was there just to play with it a little,” she said.

Soon, scammers began to write to her.

“The first thing I noticed was two or three people I texted, in a few messages they asked for money, so I immediately just hung up,” Arnold said. “I’m not going to put up with this.

The man she eventually gave the money to didn’t ask for money at all. The two mostly corresponded, but rarely had phone calls or quick video chats.

“He didn’t want to make frequent phone calls and video chats,” Arnold said.

About two weeks later, he told her that he had borrowed money from a man he called “bad” and regretted it.

“And then one day he didn’t write for a while,” Arnold said. “Then when he did it, he was in the hospital and they met with him. He didn’t have any money, so they beat him up.”

He said he tried to get funds from clients who owed him money, but was unsuccessful. He also said that he planned to ask a friend for money, but found out that he had died. The next upgrade he gave her was upsetting.

“He said next time they would start taking fingers,” Arnold said. “It really, really scared me. I was in constant anxiety. I cried. I was under stress. I didn’t tell anyone. It didn’t concern anyone. Then I said, you know, I don’t have much, but can I send you some money?

He refused. Arnold said she convinced him to let her send him the money.

“This is where I stopped sharing with people because I was very ashamed,” she said.

She sent him a check for $15,000. She said that he sent her two dozen roses to prove his sincerity. Shortly thereafter, a friend suggested she watch an episode of Dr. Phil about romantic scams.

“My blood just went cold and I was just, oh my gosh, what did I do?” Arnold said. “I’m not that stupid. I scolded myself so much.”

Then the requests for more money began.

“He said, baby, can you send me something else?” Arnold said. “And I said no. Then we texted a few more times, and then he said it again, and I said that I no longer have.

He suddenly didn’t have time for her.

“That was the last message I received,” Arnold said.

The Better Business Bureau (BBB) ​​warns that scammers have a two-step financial fraud formula. First, there is always some kind of emergency.

“There are so many different variations,” said Jason Meza, BBBB regional director for San Antonio. “The problem is, yes, you’re giving money to someone you’ve never met before.”

He said it often takes weeks, months and even years for scammers to gain the trust of their victims.

The Federal Trade Commission reports that the favorite lie of romantic scammers is that I or a loved one is sick, injured, or in jail. Other ways scammers convince you to give them money include claiming that they can teach you how to invest. Others tell someone that they are in the army and away. Some say they work on an oil rig or a ship. Many also say that you can trust them with your personal photos.

Second, the scammer will ask you to send money through an insecure method such as bank transfer, gift card, or a cash app like Venmo, Zelle, or Cash App.

“They are hard to trace and almost impossible to return or refund,” Meza said.

He also warns that if someone quickly confesses their love, but does not meet you in person, this will be a wake-up call. Arnold said, looking back, that she should have seen that warning sign.

“If someone says they miss you, love you, can’t live without you after simple texts and maybe a phone call, they’re faking it,” she said. “You can’t fall in love like that. We talked about a possible meeting, and he kept putting it off. You know, these people are not safe. Luckily, I didn’t say I’d send you air tickets or do that. But he did not want to meet, rarely talked on the phone. That could probably be a pretty big red flag too, because you think if they love you and miss you so much, they’d like to at least use Zoom once in a while, but no.”

She said she knew her money was missing even though she filed reports with the FBI, police and BBB.

“I don’t want anyone to go through this. If they tell such tearful stories, I’m in really big trouble, I’m in the hospital or something. It’s very hard because he didn’t ask for money,” Arnold said. “If they hint, hint, hint, just never send them to anyone, period.”

Meza said many victims are ashamed of romantic scams and never report them, making it difficult for scammers to stop.

“This is an unregistered scheme,” he said. “People don’t move forward. It comes with a lot of shame and guilt. So the victims are hesitant to step forward, but when they do, it brings more attention to it for us, because now we can bring more of these rings to prosecution. .”

Arnold said the best way to protect yourself is to meet in person rather than online. Now it is not on all dating sites.

“I am happy alone,” she said. “I don’t care if I stay for the rest of my life, especially after something like this. I wasn’t even looking for a life partner. I was looking for this casual friendship.”

She also said never to give money voluntarily and just don’t send it if asked.

Meza said to play detective if you’re dating online.

“You should demand as much detail as possible about their situation,” he said. “The common story is that they are on the other side of a bitter divorce, or they are serving abroad in our army, or they cannot get to the place as quickly as they would like, and they cannot meet with you. personally because of some situation. If you ask enough questions and dig enough, you can figure out who they really are.”

He suggested exploring the area where your love interest is said to live for sights. Ask sharp questions about these places and their opinions. Find out their favorite places to eat and hang out. Make sure these places exist. If they are difficult to answer or are very general, proceed with caution.

Also, check photos with a reverse image search to see if the person is who they say they are. Fraudsters often steal other people’s photos.